You will not relent

How can I love like Christ? That has been the question rolling around in my brain since Saturday. More importantly how can I continue to bathe in Christ's love but refuse to even acknowledge it. I treat God's love like it is a fountain machine at McDonalds, FREE REFILLS! I forget that the cost for all of those "free refills" was Christ's blood. I forget that somehow my service to humanity is alot smaller than my depravity. But yet He still chases after me and tells me "It's OK you can come home, I have more love for you. Please just come home." I answer with a solid no and go to bed with the world. I am Gomer I am promiscuous, I treat all the love that Christ gives me a trash and run to the world hoping and begging for love. Pleading with it saying "I will do anything for you, all I want is your love!" All the while Christ is singing a love song to me, weeping for me and just begging me to take his love. He will not relent.

Hosea 2:14-23 (Message Version)

^14-15 "And now, here's what I'm going to do:
   I'm going to start all over again.
I'm taking her back out into the wilderness
   where we had our first date, and I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets of roses.
   I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like she did as a young girl,
   those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
 ^16-20 "At that time"—this is God's Message still—
   "you'll address me, 'Dear husband!'
Never again will you address me,
   'My slave-master!'
I'll wash your mouth out with soap,
   get rid of all the dirty false-god names,
   not so much as a whisper of those names again.
At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you
   and wild animals and birds and reptiles,
And get rid of all weapons of war.
   Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies!
And then I'll marry you for good—forever!
   I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness.
Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go.
   You'll know me, God, for who I really am.
 ^21-23 "On the very same day, I'll answer"—this is God's Message—
   "I'll answer the sky, sky will answer earth,
Earth will answer grain and wine and olive oil,
   and they'll all answer Jezreel.
I'll plant her in the good earth.
   I'll have mercy on No-Mercy.
I'll say to Nobody, 'You're my dear Somebody,'
   and he'll say 'You're my God!'"

How is it that He still cries after me even when I bring nothing but sorrow to the table. I love the song He Wont Relent, by Misty Edwards. The Chorus goes "You wont relent until you have it all, my heart is yours." I just think that is such a beautiful way of describing the way Christ chases us. He is an unrelenting force that will never stop until he has our entire heart.

We serve a great and loving God and the more I get to know him the more I realize that. I am so grateful for an unrelenting never ceasing God. 

 

This is also a great song about us being the Bride and God as our husband and his never ceasing love for us and his absolute forgiveness.

Africa

I never really thought about Africa much when I was younger, but recently it is all I can think about. Today I was applying for a job in one tab while looking at international cell phones in another. Yesterday I was ingesting as much information on Uganda as I could; whereas normally I would be on stumbleupon mindlessly surfing the internet hoping that I would see some funny viral video about a monkey lighting a cigarette while blowing flames from its rear. But life seems so much different now, I wake up with a purpose I go to sleep with a purpose and I want to experience this journey at full speed. I want to do what God has for me the same way a formula one driver takes to the track, I want to go recklessly fast, I want to use my brakes more as a way of turning rather than stopping, I want to feel every bump in the road. But more than anything I want to stay in Jesus' arms, because I have never been so warm, so content, so sure that my life has a purpose. In fact I have started to realize that this is all God wants from me. Or more specifically all he wants is me, my time, my laughter, my pain, my love, my worship, my goals, my everything! I just want to shout at the top of my lungs how great it feels to not be wanted because I have anything to offer, but to be wanted because I have nothing to offer!

But why Africa, well if you have ever met my beautiful girlfriend you would know that she, since a little girl, has always had a heart for Africa. But for me I have never really had a heart for a country. I have always known that I would one day move away from my home and cross "the big blue wet thing" and land somewhere and just live. Now I do admit that there were years here and there that I would focus on one nation or another. I spent some time in Central America so I thought I would end up there, I went to South America a couple times and thought that I could live there, I even thought I would one day end up in Haiti. And one day God may call me to any of those places but for now he has my heart set on Africa but more specifically on Uganda.

Here is a little bit about Uganda copied directly from the most accurate of sources, Wikipedia.

Uganda, officially the Republic of Uganda, is a landlocked country in East Africa. Uganda is also known as the "Pearl of Africa". It is bordered on the east by Kenya, on the north by South Sudan, on the west by the Democratic Republic of the Congo, on the southwest by Rwanda, and on the south by Tanzania. The southern part of the country includes a substantial portion of Lake Victoria, which is also shared by Kenya and Tanzania.

I wish I had some great story on why Logan and I are focused on Uganda but truth be told we are just opening doors and asking that God will close them as fast as we open them. We were introduced to an orphanage in Uganda, named Good Shepard's Fold, by our friends/mentors Alan and Diane Ramsey. God has yet to shut this door so we are going full steam ahead.

Logan and I are fervently praying for what our future holds. But, in quoting my pastor, we know that following God is like following a Bumble Bee, it is all over the place. We are not settled on anything other than the fact that we are Gods and we are willing to do anything or be anywhere just so that we can be with Him. As far as time lines go, we don't know. There are a lot of things that must happen before Logan and I can go, so to answer that question right now is impossible.

Thank you so much for going on this journey with Logan and me and I cant wait to tell you more.

Jonathan

First Steps

Wow it is crazy to think that just over a month ago I was trying to figure out if I received my grant money from school or not. I had made plans that I would go to school, get married, and then when I graduate I would start my ministry. I mean it truly was a really well thought out plan.

This whole journey started in the summer of 2008 when I went to a camp with the middle school ministry at Fellowship. It was at this camp that I not only met the woman who would change my life, but I also received my call into the ministry.  I was in my sophomore year of college, I was 19 and I was very messed up. But still God for some reason chose me. He chose me to be in some way a crucial part of his work.

When I came back from the camp I decided to continue volunteering in the middle school ministry and hope that God gives me some kind of sign to show exactly what kind of ministry I am supposed to be doing.  I quickly found a place at Fellowship and started to really enjoy ministry.  I was making new friends with the other leaders and I was even getting to know this really feisty girl named Logan.

Logan and I became quick friends. I would call her and she would call me we would text back and forth, we were becoming close, and I loved it. You see Logan was unlike any girl I had ever met she challenged me, she fought with me, she laughed at me, but most importantly she was Jesus to me. She defiantly wasn't perfect and she had a lot of growing to do herself, but I could see Jesus all over her. In fact it was in everything she did, I wanted nothing less than to be like her. For the first real time in my life I wanted people to see Jesus in me. 

Now don't get me wrong, I wanted Jesus but this was the first time I wanted to change for Jesus. I wanted people to look at me and only see Christ. I wanted what Logan had; in fact I also really wanted Logan as well, but that wouldn't happen for a long time. My life started to change, I started seeking the Word of God. I started to listen to pastors preach the Gospel, I was for the first time growing. I couldn't get enough, I couldn't read enough or watch enough or even spend enough time at church. I was constantly using pastors for free lunches while wearing them out with questions or just my crappy situations. My life was a chaotic mess with what seemed like no end.  I felt like a ship being thrown about in a storm, always on the verge of capsizing. During all this I had two birthdays a dozen cars, most of which belonged in a car crusher, no money, a couple of jobs, several major (school) changes, lots of injuries and this girl named Logan who was slowly becoming my best friend.

Oh man was I a mess, I was now 21, and I was tired. I was tired of being constantly thrown around by the world, I was tired of sucking at school and I was ready to be on my own. I moved into a pretty normal 80's style apartment with my best friend Chris. I dropped out of school and said I would never go back. I was now going to work and make some real money. I was going to get my life together and really make something of my self. I got my first real job out of college changing diapers on old people, I had made it to the big leagues, but in November of that year I ended up getting fired and had to start looking for my second launch into the real world.

November was a pretty influential month for me I was fired, I was invited to go to Haiti and film, I started a seasonal Job at Honey Baked Ham, and I realized I was in love with Logan.

OK so instead of talking about why I was fired or the traumatizing event of working at Honey Baked Ham. I am just going to focus on Haiti and Logan. First is Haiti, I was asked by a small evangelical organization if I would be willing to film a pastor training event they were having in Haiti. Of course I said yes, I love to travel and this was a once in a lifetime trip. I asked if Logan could come and somehow the stars aligned and they said yes. It was really a great trip I laughed constantly, spent every waking minute with Logan and did it all in a fun new place. Then it hit me one night, while in Haiti, I looked over at her and realized that I was in love, not in a gushy/puppy love, mainly because we had drawn very strong boundaries in our friendship, but in a weird I want to take care of you love. For the first time I understood what would make a man work a 1000 hours a week just to take care of his love. I understood why a man would cut off his arm for his love, and that scared me.

December was a hard month I worked non stop boxing and bagging hams for what seemed like every who in Whoville. I was exhausted wanting nothing more than to fall over and never get up. The next thing I know is that Christmas has Come and gone, new years blew by and I could not get my mind off of Logan. Then out of no where I get a call asking if I had seen the news, Haiti was just devastated by a 7.0 M earthquake. I turned on the news and next thing I know is my bags are packed and I am back down to Haiti.  Oh Haiti was terrible, I honestly cant describe it to you fully all I can say is that I will never forget the sights and sounds or devastation and especially the smell of death.

That trip launched my short career as director/editor/videographer/producer. I was offered a job by that organization to make promotional videos for the ministry. I agreed it sounded great and honestly was a really fun and interesting job. I was able to travel a lot and I went back to Haiti a couple more times. But ultimately the job was not a good fit and found myself seeking something else.

I tried to sell cars. It really sucked.

I did a short stint at a dry-cleaner, started an internship at my church and then landed a job as the head gardener at a historic home. all the time thinking about that decision I made to never go back to school.

However not all was bad during that time, remember that girl Logan? Yeah we started dating in July of 2010, while I was coming to the end of my time at the small evangelical ministry.  Honestly as I am writing about the crap that happened I cant believe she stayed with me. I mean who wants to be with a guy who leave a steady job to go and sell cars and ends up working 80-90 hours a week to find out he cant sell cars, and then works at a dry cleaner where he spends all of his time except for the time he then started to spend at the church and I bought a houseboat that I was going to turn into my permanent residence. I still don't know how she put up with me then or even now, but then again I can't figure out how she does 99.9% of the stuff she does.

2011 was a great year, yes it had some really rough times but over all it was really good. I enjoyed my job, Logan and I were in love and I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. So Logan and I started to plan out our life. We knew that we were called into missional ministry but we were not really sure when or how that looked. So we started talking about me going back to school get a semester or two under my belt then get married and then get my degree and then go for my masters and then looking at the mission field. Unless of course we were ready for kids. It truly was a great plan. Until last month...

Oh how crazy January was; I was laid off, sick for two weeks, God solidified my call into full time ministry, and I was couch surfing.  It was the first Sunday of January I woke up with a migraine, which made it impossible to even move without wishing for death, so I slept through church. Logan brought me some medication and prayed for me. She came by later that afternoon and asked me if I wanted to go to "Draw Near" (a worship service Fellowship has the first Sunday of each month) I said yes and I still don't know why. I spent my entire day in bed dealing with a migraine and then all the sudden a yes came from my lips and I was out the door on my way to a loud service while still nursing a pounding headache. But something incredible happened, when I stepped through the doors of the high school room my headache just went away. It was incredible I didn't know what to do so I just stood there. Waiting for something, I am sure I looked kinda silly but I didn't care I wanted to hear what ever it was that the Healer wanted to tell me. And man did He speak, the first thing He told me to do was to walk over to my girlfriend and pray over her. So I did, I prayed hard I prayed like I was praying for my life. Then I just kind of floated over to a table with a pen and some paper and just started writing out a covenant with Christ, and it was in that moment that my Healer, my Father, my Redeemer, my Savior spoke, and He said "you are mine, I have chosen you, so cut the crap it is about to get crazy!"

Oh and did it ever get crazy. For the first time Logan and I were reading the word together and guess what?! It was literally unfolding our future and our calling to the point where we were second guessing every plan we ever made. So when we found out that I did not get my grant money for school, we started to rethink school, and when I got laid off we started to rethink work. Everything was changing, everything.  So it was no surprise when Logan and I were sitting with our mentors, Diane and Alan Ramsey, that they told us, "Maybe you are not supposed to be in school," and then Diane hands Logan a book and tells her she thinks that Logan and I need to read it. It is titled Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis (here is her blog http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/) Diane looked at me and said, "it is about a girl who out of high school went to Africa and hasn't left since. She is your age and all she has is a high school diploma." So I started the book and I couldn't stop from just weeping. Every page was oozing with Christ's love and mercy and I could hear God telling me that he doesn't need me to have an education yet, all he needs is for me to submit.

So that brings me to today, Logan and I have done a lot of talking, praying, and consulting over the past few days, and we have realized that God has made a new plan for us. I can't wait to share with you as the journey unfolds. And I cant wait to continue sharing how Great our Father is and how well He takes care of us.

Jonathan